For what it's worth
by Laurissy
Summary: One shot, Ian has to learn to cope with his wife's imminent death and Barbara has to come to terms with letting her husband go. So yeah a sad but hopeful little one shot showing how the greatest companions in the universe are determined not to let each other down.


For what it's worth

**A/n so here we are at my first Barbara/Ian story. The couple that made me fall in love with the classic series despite its flaws and probably one of the cutest endearing couples in the history of fandom. Considering how much I love these two, I feel a bit bad making this fanfic so sad but I think what's great about them is you know they're going to stick together no matter what the universe throws at them. Also if you're interested you might want to read the sequel to this story a place in time where Ian meets Rory and they have a fun time chatting for a bit. It's definitely not required reading but if you liked this fanfic and you want to read something similar. It's definitely an option.**

Barbara was sitting at her desk, despite the computer; Barbara was making notes on a notepad. She often found a pen in her hand inspired her more than her fingers on a keyboard. Whenever she wrote an essay, she'd write most of it on paper first and type it later. Nothing replaced the feeling of a pen in her hands just the feeling of potential as you hold that pen and know that you can turn this piece of paper into whatever you want it to be. At the moment she was writing down her recipe for shepherd pie when her husband came in. She looked up and smiled and he smiled back.

"What are you working on?" he asked cheerfully but there was a tinge of sadness there almost as if he'd been given a script and didn't like the feel of the words. But there were normal words; he'd said them to her a thousand times over the years. She was always writing articles and thesis or marking dissertations but he knew this was something different.

"I'm working on a manual" she said calmly and with a palpable sadness.

"For what?" Ian asked confused.

"For you" she answered looking at the notepad.

"Why would I need a manual" Ian asked grumpily.

Barbara smiled at him "For when I'm not here."

Ian looked up at her and at that smile he felt a wave of anger come over him. "Well I don't want it because I don't need it" Ian said angrily. There was a silence in the room. Ian desperately trying to hold onto his denial and Barbara trying to find the right way to approach this. There was no right way about it though.

"Ian I need to know you're going to be ok, I'm trying to make it easier for you, to make the most of the time I've got left." Barbara said calmly

"I don't want it to be easy; I want it to be difficult." Ian said with a bite to his voice and he refused to look at his wife so calm and ornate.

"Please, don't be stubborn Ian" Barbara pleaded.

"I can't lose you Barbara, ever since you've came into my life you've been my companion, when we were at Coal Hill, you helped me be a better teacher and when we were with the doctor you kept me sane and we returned to normality, you kept me sane then to. I love you so much and I don't want to lose you." Ian was crying now barely able to hold it together, this was the first time he cried in years. When he heard Barbara had cancer, he focused on a cure when that didn't work, he felt angry and confused lashing out at everyone including the woman he loved the most.

Barbara got up from her chair and held her husband's hand in hers and held it to her cheek, "I'm here Ian but I'm not going to be here for much longer" she started to cry as well. "I need to know you're going to be ok."

He looked at his wife and her beautiful eyes glistening with tears and said "But I don't know if I can be ok without you"

"That's silly" she said primly "You lived almost 30 years of your life without me"

"But I'm not that man anymore, he was sure of himself and he never let anything faze him but I can't do that."

"That's why I'm writing this manual, so you can be sure of yourself even though I won't be here."

"Do you really think some paper is going to make up for you not being here?" Ian asked angrily

She looked sad "I'm doing my best Ian."

"Well that's not good enough" he said with fury in his eyes, "I want you to fight this, I've seen you face daleks, crazy Aztecs, giant ants and insecticide, why can't you face this."

"Ian, this isn't the same" she said sadly.

"Why not?" he said not able to look at her, he felt this bile growing inside of him of all the bad emotions that he'd repressed ever since he learnt this news. "Why is this different? Why can't the doctor help us? It's his fault anyway."

"Ian you know that isn't true" Barbara said pleadingly

"If he hadn't kidnapped us and taken to Skaro then you wouldn't have been exposed to so much radiation and you wouldn't have to die." Ian said childishly.

"The doctor didn't know" she said soothingly

"Well he should of" Ian said barely manage to restrain his voice "He kidnapped us"

"Ian, this isn't the doctor's fault." She said determinedly.

"How do you know?" he asked desperately

"I don't know why I have cancer" Barbara said honestly "But for what it's worth the doctor gave me the two greatest gifts anyone has ever given me."

"What were those?" Ian said tiredly

"He gave me the chance to see the universe first hand to watch historical events I could only dream of before unfold in front of me but most importantly he gave me you" Ian looked at her with and odd look in his eyes but he didn't say anything "without him, I never would have known how brave, intelligent and perfect you are."

Ian smiled grimly at that and as he looked at the golden Tardis necklace he had brought her. "I might have asked you out eventually."

"I would have said no" Barbara said lifting his chin up "You were cute and nice to me but you weren't worth risking my job over."

"What am I worth now" he said dejectedly.

"You are worth more to me than life itself, you are worth more than every adventure this galaxy has to offer, you're worth everything" she kissed him then overcome with an incredible urge to live and to take every moment as it comes and to enjoy this moment with her husband who she would love even after her last breath.

He pushed her away "But why?" she just kissed him and he kissed her back being propelled by the emotion of it. He wanted to touch her, taste her, and preserve her in this moment.

They were in bed together and he realised that it was only one o'clock in the afternoon. He held her in his eyes just enjoying her breathing and all of a suddenly he said "let's travel"

"Where to?" Barbara replied feeling his warmth inside her

"Everywhere" Ian said simply.

"Will you promise to read my manual" she asked.

"I'll promise anything?" Ian said honestly.

She turned around quickly at that and pinned him down with her leg. She was pretty nimble for her age. "You shouldn't have said that, I wonder what I can get you to promise "she said stroking his chest.

"Anything" Ian said again.

"Then you have a deal Mr Chesterton" Barbara said happily "Take me everywhere."

**A/n Well I started writing this at three in the morning and it's now 4 insomnia is a bitch. Anyway I hope my early morning ramblings has entertained you. God these guys are cute and I'd also like to dedicate this to Jacqueline Hill who actually died of cancer. She was a great actress and one of the best companions the doctor's ever had. Also I'm not sure whether people who are dying do leave a manual for their loved ones about how to deal with things when they're not there like cooking cleaning. I don't know it seems like something Barbara would do. This is also dedicated to Heather and William Hartnell who I stole the idea for the Tardis necklace from. I hope you enjoyed this and please review.**


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